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Definition
The permissive, or indulgent, style of parenting came to the fore in the 1950s and 60s. Its goal? Freer, better-adjusted children who shape themselves while learning from their experiences.

Parents put few limits on their children’s behaviour. They are watchful and attentive. They spend a great deal of time with them, explaining things and discussing everything. Children are not forced to follow a precise model of behaviour. No rules are imposed on them. There’s no planning or strict routine.

Bad behaviour from children is overlooked and everything that comes from them is lovingly accepted.

They are spared any upset, opposition or confrontation wherever possible.

Motivation
This parental approach is adopted out of a fear of rejection, either because permissive or indulgent parents have an anti-confrontational style or because they fear their children will harbour negative feelings towards them.

At the heart of the permissive or indulgent style of parenting is the idea that love and attention to children’s needs are what matter most.

This love and attention are more important than any limits and rules: children will have all the time in the world to discover and incorporate these as they grow up. In the meantime, such a permissive style of education will make children feel unique and they will be better adjusted as a result.

My Own Experience
This was the style I most aspired to for my children. I cherished the hope that by telling them things and explaining things to them, my children would simply “self-regulate” and fulfil their potential.

I have to admit that with our first child this method soon failed. He steadily turned into a rampant tyrant, unsatisfied most of the time.

I later learned that this style was more suited to children who are rather shy and reserved, and needed freedom and few constraints to develop – which wasn’t at all the case with our eldest boy, who was naturally open and outgoing!

This type of child needs a more structured education with clear limits – an approach that avoids hysterics and loss of emotional control in children, who otherwise become more and more demanding without really being happy either.

The Consequences of the Permissive Style in Psychologists’ Eyes
Positives: Children have good self-esteem. They are free, creative, open and rarely prone to depression.

Negatives: Children tend to get weaker high school results during adolescence. They tend to be more aggressive in their social relationships, never having learned to deal with limits and frustration, all the more so if their parents have tolerated aggressive behaviour.

Having had too much help, they may lack maturity and for the same reason, may prove to be less responsible and independent.

Some psychologists think the permissive style was a valid option for the 1950 and 60s. After years of strict and stern education, the need for freedom and the space to breathe were very real.

But today’s less supervised children generally are open to a whole host of resources and possibilities. Without clear limits, they may feel lost and confused. Left to their own devices, they may well make some really bad choices without realizing it.

Next up, the authoritative style of parenting. See you soon!